Upwards arrows tend to indicate increase, much like what will happen with your traffic after you use the following method.

Do you have StumbleUpon? Do you have a website? If so, building traffic in this method may be right for you*.

BUILD TRAFFIC WITH SITE TRANSLATORS
Some websites offer services that translate your entire website into another language or dialect on their own servers. Seeing other languages amuses some StumbleUpon users and thus they could possibly give your translated website some thumbs up and traffic.

HOW TO DO IT
Commence the list!

1. Go to Pikachize, Gizoogle, or whatever whole-site translator you wish.
2. Input site URL into the translation field.
3. Translate the site.
4. Laugh in amusement at your sites translation.
5. Submit the translated URL to StumbleUpon.
6. Wait for the hits to come pouring in! (cry if they don’t.) These hits count as actual site hits and you’ll get more people viewing your content.

There you have it. A very, very clever way to get traffic with site translators and Stumbleupon.

This post has been sponsored by Nullamatix! Wooh!

Posted by Max Miroff | 2 Comments »

These businessmen’s hands weren’t cut off because of cropping – they were cut off because of networking.

There are lots of people online, many of them with their own websites and blogs. Before you try to contact them, think about these things:

DON’T NETWORK WITH OTHER BLOGGERS
The Internet is a horrible place with many horrible people. That is, at least, what all school counselors tell you – and how can these people (who once told me that if I mess up sending an e-mail, it will drift into outer space) be wrong? Here are some quick points as to why networking with other bloggers is a bad choice:

• What if they don’t like your blog? Or your haircut? They might make fun of you!
• You could get a bad review from them. Despite the free backlink and publicity, your pride will be injured.
• Because all bloggers are obviously anti-social nerds aged 47 who eat cheese puffs and play World of Warcraft in their parents basements, poor interaction skills will lead to disaster.

BUT AREN’T THERE ANY POSITIVE BENEFITS?
Because Blog Badly tries to offer only the most impartial opinion pieces, we feel obliged to let you know the good that can come out of networking:

• You can make friends.
• You can get backlinks and more publicity.
• You can get help from others.
• It overall makes it more fun.

But seriously, what if they POINT AND LAUGH? What are you going to do then? Huh? This clearly outweighs the benefits. Remember, if you don’t know that people hate your content then they don’t. You should have learned this as a four year old – the world dissapears when you close your eyes, cover your ears, and make funny noises.

Posted by Max Miroff | 1 Comment »

This purple man and small purple child are reaching for a purple star. That is their goal. As you can see, they will never achieve it.

Many people tell you to set goals. Whether you are trying to get 20 more RSS subscribers, $100/month in blog revenue, or simply trying to lose weight, you’re supposed to create a chart of what you want to achieve. This is folly!

SETTING YOURSELF UP TO FAIL
Goals create a tangible target for you to reach. For example, say my goal for Blog Badly is to scrap up enough money to pay for hosting. Will I ever reach this amount? No. Will BlueHost keep taking my money? Yes. Will I curl up and cry in a corner? Perhaps.

As you can see, when you set goals and don’t reach them, you have failed. Failure generally makes people unhappy. Therefore: goals -> failure -> unhappiness. This scientifically proves that goals cause unhappiness. That is the power of flow charts.

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITHOUT GOALS?
Nothing! That’s the great part about it – if you don’t strive to achieve anything, you’ll be happier whenever you do achieve something. Everything will seem like a huge accomplishment. If you don’t set goals, then you can’t lose: no goals -> no failure -> no unhappiness.

BUT I REALLY WANT GOALS!
If you insist on setting goals for your blog, don’t expect much. Here are a few examples of great goals for any blog, old or new:

• Get more readers than just your family, best (and only) friend, and cat. Oh, and that hobo that you sometimes show your blog too. He sure loves blogging.
• Make one cent from your blog a month. This is the equivalent of digging in your couch for two seconds.
• Comment on one blog per week.
• Change your PR from N/A to 0.
• Rank within the 10 million’s on Alexa

These are, of course, just a few sample goals. Try it for yourself: set low expectations and meet them! You’ll feel a lot better afterwards.

Posted by Max Miroff | 1 Comment »