Isn’t perspective fun?

Going on vacation almost always means living in a hotel for a while. There are a few key exceptions: hiking, experiencing local culture by asking people if you can live in their homes, and sleeping on park benches. Still, these cases most likely do not apply to you (if they do, good luck) and thus you will be able to write about that horrendous, awful-smelling amazing place you’re staying at.

WHAT TO DO?
Here are some simple phrases detailing the exact aspects you should write about. Don’t worry - this applies to all hotel rooms.

• 
  What you booked.

 
What you got

• The view is okay, I guess.
• Why are there 2 English channels on the TV and 13 Spanish ones playing the same sitcom over and over and over again?
• The bed feels like a slightly flexible, soft plank of wood.
• You mean this “fun-size” Snickers from the minibar costs $6.99!?!?
• Where’s my iPod? Did the maid steal it? Did it fall out of the window?
• I left my cell phone/iPod/laptop charger at home!

Surprised that all of this applies to you? Don’t be - hotels are simply a predictable part of life. Just remember this: always be negative about your hotel. Your readers will sigh, think of a past experience with a bad hotel, and nod knowingly while sipping coffee in their cozy home.