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Feeling tired and don’t want to write a “real” post? Is it 11:55 PM and you still haven’t posted for that day (you do know you can just change the time of posting… meh)? Are you simply idea-starved? Then try using any one of these formats to write a post in under twenty minutes!

1. The Top Ten List Post
Additional details below each bullet in this popular social media optimized (SMO) format are optional but generally accepted as necessary. These types of posts can do very well on Digg and StumbleUpon, especially if they have pictures and/or videos. Make sure your post title includes numerous preposterous claims as well as exaggerations. After all, internet marketing isn’t about telling the truth.

2. The Post Apologizing For Not Being Able To Make A Real Post
This post is the ultimate irony - apologizing for not posting in a post. It’s only suggested use is when you’ve stopped caring about quality, but it is also acceptable if you decide that American Idol is more important than your blog (note to self: American Idol Blog? Hm…)

3. The Monthly/Weekly/Daily(?) Compilation Post
Go over your blog statistics in an effort to impress your readers with your mad earnings (~$5) and traffic (6 visits/day). Try to list blog stats for the previous month as well - it makes it seem like you’re improving.

4. The Paid Blog Review Post
It’s an easy job: you get paid to write what you think about a website. You really can’t go wrong. In fact, if you mask it well enough, your readers won’t even realize your blog isn’t remotely about credit card refinancing, mortgage lenders, payday loans, plastic surgery, or financial aid!

5. The “About Me” or “About My Blog” Post
While most blogs have a page on their blog dedicated to this type of post, some decide to write about it as well! This is a fairly simple task because all it involves is talking about yourself.

6. The Link Love Post
Just link to a bunch of different blog posts with short descriptions. Use other people’s content for your own benefit - it’s all the joys of content scraping with practically none of the penalties!
7. The Generic Niche Blog Post
For every niche (except maybe Extreme Mountain Jumproping), there are cliché posts which have been gone over so many times it’s not even worth posting about anymore (except when you REALLY need to write something). In my niche, this could be a post about “making money with Adsense”, for example.

8. The Controversy Post
Print out the faces of ten random bloggers in your niche. Tape them to your wall and throws darts blindfolded at the pictures. Write a post dissing the blogger you chose through this clever scientific process. Remember to include a photo of the aforementioned blogger that you graffiti’d.

9. The Image Post

10. The Off-Topic Post
This is for extreme cases in which all of the above options fail. Just write about your dinner or something - it seems to work for John Chow.

Posted by Max Miroff | 18 Comments »

In the blogging world, it’s important to be concise. After about 500 words, things start to get repetitive (unless you’re some sort of crazy internet marketing guru who has 9,627 ways to increase traffic to your site) and dull. Shorter posts let you show your opinion without boring your readers. In short (pun intended), they are better at conveying a message to viewers and are more interesting to read.

Posted by Max Miroff | 4 Comments »

Posted by Max Miroff | 4 Comments »

Above is a chat widget from Digsby (If you’re an RSS subscriber, I’m not sure if you’ll see it. Why don’t you go directly to the post? It’ll be fun!). I’ll probably be on it for the next few hours so chat me up and witness my comedic genius - live! Or just talk about that funny picture of a cat you saw that time on that website. Whatever you want. But onto the main point:

DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY USE CHAT BOXES?
I often see a chat box on a blog even though the owner is never logged on. It’s kind of depressing to see the “User logged off” and not be able to chat - it’s just not fun. In addition, it clutters the sidebar and makes the blog look cheesy, much like a pizza or that thing you found in your couch.

THAT MAKES CHAT BOXES SOUND REALLY USELESS.
Well, they are. I mean seriously - what the hell, get AIM or something! It’s not all negative. Chat boxes allow you to better connect with your readers. I theorize it’ll bring me back more consistent return readers, and that’s why I’m going to put one up on Blog Badly for a bit - talk to me!

Posted by Max Miroff | 3 Comments »

Thanks, Google

I’m still not sure what this signifies. I haven’t really written anything about that (won’t mention it or else it’ll have a good chance of reappearing!) and I don’t think my blog is about that kind of stuff. Then again, I phase out sometimes while posting so you guys are gonna have to tell me if I accidentally make any lewd comments ;).

IS THERE ARE GOOD SIDE TO THIS?
Well, maybe this new ad topic will boost my revenues. We’ll just have to see what my apparently mostly male audience (according to Quantcast) thinks about it.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY MAIN POINT - YOU GUYS!
Quantcast (I made a post about what it was before. Here it is) has now added detailed demographics to Blog Badly. Lets see what they have to say about my average readership:

So, do these statistics match you as if someone had been stalking you for your whole life or are they completely off? Leave a comment and tell me! We’ll put Quantcast to the test.

TESTIMONIALS - NEW!
Geology Joe said it well:

“so the majority of people who read this blog are Old, make no money and are neither white, black, Asian or Hispanic….
Those are some SOLID stats”

Jonathon is the kind of guy I thought my core audience was. Quantcast disagrees:

“I am male, Caucasian, 26 with a household income of between $60-100K. I guess that makes me kind of on the minority of your readership.”

Posted by Max Miroff | 7 Comments »

Posted by Max Miroff | 3 Comments »

No matter where you go for vacation, it is an obligation that you take some pictures of the area and what you did. How else could you remember all the fun you had scuba diving in that dark cave, getting lost, and almost drowning? Eh? Exactly.

OH, AND SINCE YOU HAVE THOSE PICTURES…
Blog about them. Because your readers care. If they say they’re not interested, it’s just because they’re jealous. Make sure you post an obligatory shot of you in front of your hotel, a picture of the surrounding scenery, a photo of a wild animal you encountered (it’s not just any typical bird - it’s a bird from MEXICO!), and a photo of you doing something exciting (swimming, skiing, diving, etc.).

IT JUST ISN’T A VACATION BLOG POST UNTIL YOU TELL SOME STORIES
Be sure to elaborate on each picture. You don’t want your readers thinking that the photo of the lizard is a lizard! I mean, come on, it isn’t just any ordinary lizard; you found him under a rock and he scared you which made you drop your drink. Stories like these are blogging (and StumbleUpon) gold.

Posted by Max Miroff | 2 Comments »

Isn’t perspective fun?

Going on vacation almost always means living in a hotel for a while. There are a few key exceptions: hiking, experiencing local culture by asking people if you can live in their homes, and sleeping on park benches. Still, these cases most likely do not apply to you (if they do, good luck) and thus you will be able to write about that horrendous, awful-smelling amazing place you’re staying at.

WHAT TO DO?
Here are some simple phrases detailing the exact aspects you should write about. Don’t worry - this applies to all hotel rooms.

• 
  What you booked.

 
What you got

• The view is okay, I guess.
• Why are there 2 English channels on the TV and 13 Spanish ones playing the same sitcom over and over and over again?
• The bed feels like a slightly flexible, soft plank of wood.
• You mean this “fun-size” Snickers from the minibar costs $6.99!?!?
• Where’s my iPod? Did the maid steal it? Did it fall out of the window?
• I left my cell phone/iPod/laptop charger at home!

Surprised that all of this applies to you? Don’t be - hotels are simply a predictable part of life. Just remember this: always be negative about your hotel. Your readers will sigh, think of a past experience with a bad hotel, and nod knowingly while sipping coffee in their cozy home.

Posted by Max Miroff | No Comments »

Quite a monochrome airport

Going on vacation normally involves flying somewhere, unless your vacation involves leaving your house and viewing the sunlight for the first time in months. This, consequently, means you’re going to be waiting at an airport for a while. And finally, in turn, this leads to the fact that you must blog about your surely interesting experience.

WHAT TO TALK ABOUT
Airports are places bustling with many kinds of people:

• People whose only goals are to reach their flight before it departs without them.
• Businessmen who set up workstations in airport terminals and hog all the electrical sockets.
• Disorganized families who complain about everything.
• Tour groups from foreign countries which often do funny things
• That crazy homeless dude who lives in gate C12

And many places:

• Starbucks. There are at least twenty per airport.
• McDonalds. They are generally ten feet apart from other McDonalds so that when you exit one and decide you’re still hungry, you don’t have to walk all the way back.
• Good restaurants that serve tasty food. There are about four per airport.
• Book stores. Because riding a plane is boring and impulse buying is fun!
• iPod vending machines. No, seriously, I saw one.

Still don’t have any inspiration? Here are some sample post titles you can use:

• I feel like this guy is watching me…
• It took me an hour to find a power socket for my laptop!
• Why isn’t airport wireless internet free?
• Mmm, this bagel is delicious.
• Some guy just bumped into me!
• Day 3, hour 6 - my flight is still delayed. We are running out of food, Mikey’s gone insane. HELP.

Just remember: always blog at least once from an airport (if you have a connector flight, you can blog in your second airport as well though this is optional). This is absolutely essential if you want to respectably blog from vacation

Posted by Max Miroff | 5 Comments »

He surfs the waves and the web - at the same time! Woah!

It is very important that readers of your blog know exactly when, where, why, how, and what you’re doing at all times - this also applies to vacation. Don’t even say that that’s what Twitter is for - Twitter is something birds do.

WRITE A BLOG POST DESCRIBING WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Considering I myself am on vacation at the moment, I’d like to tell my readers that I’m going to Lake Tahoe to ski. I offer my condolences to you if I do not accurately respond to your e-mails or requests due to the fact that my hotel may be prehistoric and not have internet. Blah blah blah it’s going to be fun blah blah blah be back in a while etc. etc. more of the same.

WHAT SHOULD YOUR POST INCLUDE?

• Always be sad at the fact that your hotel might not have internet access and ask for forgiveness.
• Apologize to your readers numerous times about random things, even though they probably don’t care.
• Describe where you’re going even if it has nothing to do with your blog whatsoever.
• Give a ballpark estimate to when you’ll post again. By then, all but your most faithful readers will have left, but you want to make sure that any stragglers can still know when you’re content is coming up.

WHEN SHOULD THIS BE POSTED?
The day before you leave on vacation at the very last moment. It is essential that you do not think about your first post and you should make it as dull and boring spontaneous and interesting as possible.

Posted by Max Miroff | 4 Comments »