Jul
2nd
You're going to want to subscribe to my RSS feed. It's the greatest thing since sliced bread - even better, in fact. You know you want to.
Jun
30th
‘
.
Oh wait, that’s exactly what blogging is.
So what’s the purpose of this post? Clever satire, hopefully. There have been so many similes and metaphors comparing blogging to things like ninjas, flowers, and grapefruit - most of which aren’t effective - and they don’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. It looks like any ol’ blogger can just think of blogging as [adjective] [noun] and then write a post about it like some twisted game of Mad Libs.
Of course, people seem to like that kind of stuff. I will say that I have been entertained by comparison posts, especially ones that don’t make any sense. Well, I suppose blogging is kind of like being a midget juggling unicyclist hobo in that… uh… well, if you carry the two and divide by zero…
Ah hell, there’s no way those two are even remotely alike. I’d like to see someone take up that metaphor!
Jun
26th
Common sense, unlike blogs in the niche of making money online, is one of the rarities on the blogosphere. Whether it’s people proclaiming that you can make millions just by giving away your SSN or by buying a ten dollar e-book, there is no absence of idiocy on the net. Here are ten newbie blogging misconceptions for your intellectual viewing pleasure.
1. “Alexa is TOTAL BS.”
And this statement is totally UNTRUE! While Alexa may have some discrepancies in it’s rankings and you may be sad that your site is still in the millions, the general positions of the sites on the web are expressed well. You shouldn’t just dismiss any form of online rankings - your competitors don’t, after all.
2. “Linking to authority sites with high pagerank will help my blogs pagerank”
You wouldn’t believe how many times this issue pops up on Digitalpoint (three, at my count). Linking to websites does nothing for pagerank - it’s only determined by the sites that link to you. Sorry, but Google probably doesn’t care whether or not you link to it.
3. “You NEED to post once per day”
There isn’t a blog police that will kidnap you and brutally beat you if you leave your blog alone for a day or two. You can still achieve high traffic levels by posting once every two or three days.
4. “Don’t monetize from the start!”
Monetizing your blog is perfectly fine at any time - just don’t splatter your page with ads like some crazed college art student. As long as your advertising isn’t intrusive upon the content, it’s alright.
5. “Blogger is better than Wordpress.”
The falsity of this statement is self-explanatory.
6. “Dofollow blog comments are worthless”
The key word here is dofollow. That means they’re counted by search engines. That means they help your rankings. They’re just as good as any other link you can get on a blog.
7. “Blogging is easy”
Even if you’re an expert in your niche and you’re writing about the passion of your life, you will be starved for ideas on some days and discouraged on others. The key is to keep on being consistent in blogging.
8. “I can StumbleUpon my own posts”
If you stumble your site more than once or twice, it starts to get suspicious. Even if you’re an active user, your thumbs up will eventually become devalued and you’ll possibly be banned from Stumbleupon.
9. Chow, Rowse, Shoemoney, etc. are blogging GODS.
While these probloggers are undeniably successful, their word is not the law - you should do your own independant research and thinking before following their advice. Hell, even Blog Badly is only right 99.9% (repeating, of course) of the time!
Jun
18th
Ever find yourself doing something as silly as posting on your blog? I know I have. Here are ten easy, guilt-free ways to talk yourself out of making a post:
1. “My blog traffic is already skyrocketing!”
Because who needs to post when you’ve already had 1000 visitors that day?
2. “I can always do it tomorrow”
The procrastinator’s greatest weapon - playing the tomorrow card.
3. “I’m way too tired! Sitting on my couch all day was EXHAUSTING”
Blogging clearly takes great mental, physical, and emotional effort. Why bother if you’re already tired?
4. “Why blog when I can _______?”
Find alternatives!
5. “My post probably won’t be that good anyway.”
The statement that makes you fail before you’ve even began (and subsequently failed).
6. “Blogging definitely isn’t as important as ________”
A few options to help you fill the blank: playing video games, sleeping, watching TV, making pancakes, raiding with your WoW guild, etc.
7. “Someone already posted about my idea!”
Note: practically nothing is original anymore.
8. “I’ll do it a bit later today.”
A variation on the always good “I’ll do it tommorow.”
9. “My blog sucks anyway”
…and low self-esteem will make it even worse!
10. “Well, I doasghtjyk,gyfkdtjsrtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt”
The option for when you fall asleep on your keyboard.
Jun
12th
On one of my latest posts about getting a free backlink with your favicon, an interesting conversation topic was brought up: anti-SEO. We all know that Google can penalize you for having your site show up on link farms and other shady sites, but just how much? Would it be enough to knock your SERP’s down a notch?
If so, then companies dedicated to destroying the ranks of competitor websites are bound to soon appear (if they don’t exist already). These shady tactics probably go further than blackhat (but what should they be called; is there a color blacker than black? Note to self: must investigate) - surely this kind of stuff is illegal. I’m far too lazy I currently don’t have the resources to properly investigate this claim, but I suppose it’d fall under the legal categories of “defamation” and “being a total asshat(there’s the term I was looking for!)”
DESTROY YOUR COMPETITION - LITERALLY!
Think about it: instead of spending all your time building backlinks and carefully creating quality content, you could just submit your competitors websites to link farms, porn sites, and other such distasteful web venues. Google will (theoretically) devalue aforementioned websites and as they move down in rank, you will indirectly move up! Sounds like a solid plan, eh? While your competitors wonder why they are getting hits from Viagra websites, you’ll be raking in the search engine traffic like there’s no tommorow!
BUT THERE WILL BE NO TOMMOROW FOR ANTI-SEO
Destroying your competitors rankings might sound like a solid plan, but unless you’re competing against legally blind monkeys (which some of us are, I’m sure) they’re bound to notice and file some sort of complaint. This stuff would have to happen manually, though, creating a painful process for both site owners and search engine employees, because I doubt even Google algorithms are smart enough to sort links depending on intent. Take that, robots!
OR WILL THERE?
If you dig deep enough into the online underworld, you’re bound to find some people offering this kind of service. It’s probably not very effective and is as safe as getting a heart transplant from a shady back-alley surgeon, but at least it’s something. Will this type of anti-SEO ever have a large effect on search engines? In short, no - gaming search engines isn’t that easy, but it’s pretty interesting to think about.
QUICK UPDATE: The stuff I was referring to in this post is called Googlebowling.
May
26th
There often comes a time in your blog’s life where you simply abandon it. Whole essays can be written on why you leave your blog for dead, but I’ll sum it up for you in a few key words: boredom, laziness, lack of achievement, Grand Theft Auto IV. It is often sad to see a blog become abandoned, and your readers will generally hate you for it. You surely wouldn’t want these people that you’ve never met to be angry, right? Exactly.
And that’s why you should bring your blog back from the dead. Can’t think of a way to do it? No problem! Here are four ways to come back blogging strong.
The Angsty/Apologetic/Generally-Boring-Unless-You-Won-The
-Lottery-Or-Something Re-Introductory Post (now with gratuitous hyphen-usage!)
In this post, you simply lie explain to your readers that you’re very sorry for not posting, will now post regularly, had other
commitments, blah blah blah, please re-subscribe to my feed, et cetera. This post is generally hated by all people unless you are in the blog-about-my-life niche. Is anyone even still doing that? Hello?
Effectiveness Level: Trying to eat soup with a fork.
The Biggest Mistake You Can Make With This Post: Actually following through with this idea.
Your Readership Will… reluctantly accept the post while bitterly muttering to themselves.
The Normal Post
Pretend you never left your blog (if you don’t think about it, it never happened). Your readers will settle back into the norm and will hopefully dismiss your absence. After all, if you continue doing what you do best, what could go wrong?
Effectiveness Level: Killing a fly with a fly-swatter.
The Biggest Mistake You Can Make With This Post: Not proofreading your post. Your writing skills may have gotten a bit rusty during your absence.
Your Readership Will… be as content as they were before.
The Blog Rebirth
Change can be scary, and this rings true the most with this option. In short, this is when you go all-out and perform a switcharoo on your blog. Make a new custom design, develop a new writing style, and refocus. This is the riskiest option of all and it can win you some new readers while alienating some loyal fans. It’s important to weigh your possible benefits before following through with this: writing fun factor, niche popularity, and your knowledge on the topic are important to think about. If you have a good understanding of your readership and know how to strike the right chords with them, this option can be the best thing that can happen to your blog.
Effectiveness Level: Shooting at at a bullseye on an archery target.
The Biggest Mistake You Can Make With This Post: Too many to list - but don’t let that discourage you!
Your Readership Will… either go the way of the Hindenburg or skyrocket.
Do Nothing
This isn’t really a post idea - it’s the antithesis of one. Just don’t do anything. Leave your helpless blog alone, stranded in the vast expanse of the Internet, you awful person.
Effectiveness Level: Fighting a grizzly bear whilst blindfolded and hogtied.
The Biggest Mistake You Can Make With This Post: It’s not even a post. You’re dooming yourself by doing this.
Your Readership Will… leave you forever.
Can you guess which one I did?
Apr
9th
Feeling tired and don’t want to write a “real” post? Is it 11:55 PM and you still haven’t posted for that day (you do know you can just change the time of posting… meh)? Are you simply idea-starved? Then try using any one of these formats to write a post in under twenty minutes!
1. The Top Ten List Post
Additional details below each bullet in this popular social media optimized (SMO) format are optional but generally accepted as necessary. These types of posts can do very well on Digg and StumbleUpon, especially if they have pictures and/or videos. Make sure your post title includes numerous preposterous claims as well as exaggerations. After all, internet marketing isn’t about telling the truth.
2. The Post Apologizing For Not Being Able To Make A Real Post
This post is the ultimate irony - apologizing for not posting in a post. It’s only suggested use is when you’ve stopped caring about quality, but it is also acceptable if you decide that American Idol is more important than your blog (note to self: American Idol Blog? Hm…)
3. The Monthly/Weekly/Daily(?) Compilation Post
Go over your blog statistics in an effort to impress your readers with your mad earnings (~$5) and traffic (6 visits/day). Try to list blog stats for the previous month as well - it makes it seem like you’re improving.
4. The Paid Blog Review Post
It’s an easy job: you get paid to write what you think about a website. You really can’t go wrong. In fact, if you mask it well enough, your readers won’t even realize your blog isn’t remotely about credit card refinancing, mortgage lenders, payday loans, plastic surgery, or financial aid!
5. The “About Me” or “About My Blog” Post
While most blogs have a page on their blog dedicated to this type of post, some decide to write about it as well! This is a fairly simple task because all it involves is talking about yourself.
6. The Link Love Post
Just link to a bunch of different blog posts with short descriptions. Use other people’s content for your own benefit - it’s all the joys of content scraping with practically none of the penalties!
7. The Generic Niche Blog Post
For every niche (except maybe Extreme Mountain Jumproping), there are cliché posts which have been gone over so many times it’s not even worth posting about anymore (except when you REALLY need to write something). In my niche, this could be a post about “making money with Adsense”, for example.
8. The Controversy Post
Print out the faces of ten random bloggers in your niche. Tape them to your wall and throws darts blindfolded at the pictures. Write a post dissing the blogger you chose through this clever scientific process. Remember to include a photo of the aforementioned blogger that you graffiti’d.
9. The Image Post
10. The Off-Topic Post
This is for extreme cases in which all of the above options fail. Just write about your dinner or something - it seems to work for John Chow.
Apr
4th
Irrelevant pictures like these happen when I can’t find anything on the first page of Google images.
Does joining blog contests that require a post on your blog make you a sellout? I mean, there are all of those great prizes that you can win (in fact, blog contests were my main source of revenue in March [100 dollah! {what does a parenthesis symbol in brackets look like? I’m guessing it’s this, but I’m not really sure}]).
THE PROBLEM WITH CONTESTS
Of course, it’s not all fun and games (and winning some mad money and prizes [I really need to use less parentheses]). You don’t always win a blog contest and by the time a winner has been decided, you’ve already done these generic contest entry things:
- Subscribed to their blog (reading their content is optional)
- Dugg/Stumbled the post (isn’t advocating Diggs and Stumbles against ToS? I mean, not that it matters… after all, they don’t need to know about it)
- Wrote a post about their contest/blog (i.e. free sponsored review)
- Commented on their blog post (blog authors are generally to lazy to check what you did themselves)
In fact, it has been scientifically* proven that 95% of blog contests use this specific format.
FINAL THOUGHTS
What do you think of blog contests? Are they the bane of the blogging world, or are they a good way of getting some money and publicity?
Oh, by the way, I myself am entered in a blog competition and it’d be an honor for me to extort your votes. Just check out this post and vote for Blog Badly in the poll so that it can get a new theme. This’ll make Blog Badly easier to enjoy - and thus you’re really helping yourself by helping me win.
*the word scientifically is used loosely here.
Mar
30th
After yesterday’s post on young bloggers using their age as a stupid clever gimmick to get more readers, I decided to ask a few people what they thought about the issue (check here and here). It sparked much discussion (and plenty of visits back to Blog Badly AND a way to take a break from making a real post), but the consensus was unanimous: content should be judged on content. Sure, it might be cool to read lies like “12 year old makes millions selling shoeboxes on E-Bay,” but… seriously, shoeboxes?
WHAT PEOPLE THOUGHT
“I think it really depends on the context…. Blogging is unique because people who are slightly smarter than the average joe in any particular field are able to share that knowledge. In the end, it doesn’t matter how old or young you are, as long as you clearly know what you’re talking about.”
“Age shouldn’t have ANY factor in your opinions towards that particular blogger…. Take everything you read with a grain of salt, a reputable author will often have more cred, but age isn’t that determining factor. ”
“Young bloggers always attract me, no matter how suck they are! I admire young people with good insights, especially on the blogosphere.”
“Age is irrelevant to me, what matters most to me is logos, ethos, and pathos (Art of Rhetoric)? …those who flaunt their age as a means of drawing attention… bring about an aurora of arrogance.”
CONCLUSIONS
Most people seem to despise people who use age as a way of promotion and others just ignore it. Still, the fact remains - Carl Ocab is beating me and other talented bloggers in Alexa ranking. This injustice must be corrected! [insert righteous messages in a badly veiled attempt to get more traffic].
UPDATE: Another fourteen year old blogger is opposed to the age gimmick and thus has voiced his thoughts on it over at the Spokane Factor.
UPDATE #2: Yet another fourteen year old blogger voices his opinion at Germz!
Mar
29th
The most famous 14 year old blogger.
Why do people like reading stuff written by young people? Think about it - there are a bunch of blogs and books with the main selling point being the fact that they are written by kids. There are so many writing contests for elementary, middle, and high school students that let you submit your very own horrendous amazing pieces of literature. All of these contests accept every single piece of writing because they want parents to buy the book compilations. It’s a brilliant selling point, really - apparently, because a 12 year old did it, it makes a short lyric about his dog and a bone that much better.
YOUNG BLOGGER CARL OCAB
Carl Ocab was recently named the top under-21 blogger by RetireAt21. I’m not going to argue that - he’s got a big following - but why do people read his blog? His tag line is “Make Money Online With A 13-year-old.” His age is right there in the title and he enjoys riding that as if it makes his content better. Lets analyze his latest posts:
3 sponsored posts
5 posts he didn’t even write
2 posts full of other peoples content
1 vague post about groceries
1 post with a bunch of pictures of his schoolmates and him
1 post about a contest he won
0 beneficial, money-making posts out of 13.
Yet he still has a crapload of readers. I can only assume it’s because people think it’s amazing a 14 year old can blog. Cool.
Can you explain these phenomena? Do you read any blogs just because a young person writes them? Is it a valid selling point? If I tell you that I’m 14 (I am), will you be more inclined to subscribe to my RSS and read my blog? Please do tell me, because I’m baffled.
About Blog Badly
Blog Badly is a humorous site parodying and educating about blog topics like content, design, and marketing.
