You're going to want to subscribe to my RSS feed. It's the greatest thing since sliced bread - even better, in fact. You know you want to.

There has recently been a Google Pagerank update. What does this mean for you, you ask? Excellent question!

WHAT IS PAGERANK
Pagerank is what Google uses to secure its control over the internet and subsequently the world. It determines the ranking of pages in search results (higher ranking pageranks come up higher in search engine ranking position [SERP]) and since 7/5 of people use Google as their search browser, if you get a high PR you’ll often get more traffic.

LOVE BIG BROTHER AND BIG BROTHER WILL LOVE YOU (AFTER STRIPPING YOU OF YOUR RIGHTS, FREEDOMS, AND POSSIBLY CLOTHES)

I called Google Big Brother. How clever is that?

Anyway, Google punishes those who do not follow their rules by lowering their pagerank. Here’s a simple list of things that you should definitely do to make your SERP’s ungood (more Orwellian references. Orwellian is a fancy word and thus you should nod knowingly and comment about it).

1. Make your site a link farm. Exchange links with whoever, whenever. E-mail people that don’t even have websites and ask for link exchanges.
2. Link to gambling sites. Google loves those because they start with a “g” in their name as well.
3. Sell links on your blog. Does “links” have a “g” in it? No? Well, do it anyway. Just because.
4. Oh, sell posts too. Yeah. For the same reasons as number three.
5. Don’t update your site or put any content on it. This both saves you from any criticism (you can’t comment on nothing… right? Right.) and usefulness.

And there you have it. There are more ways for the Thought Police (Are you starting to see a pattern? Because you shouldn’t. The Thought Police will get suspicious) to come get you, and there will be more postings about them shortly. Unless they catch me first. I’m going to go dim the telescreen.