The SlamBlogger logo. I wish I knew what it was. It looks like the magic carpet from Aladdin with a crown.

(short synopsis at end)

SlamBlogger is a blog that, according to its search engine description is >he place where the A List bloggers get what’s coming to them.” This apparently translates into the blog author, Ethan Christ, writing poorly supported insults against other blogs (akin to what one might find scrawled onto a middle school bathroom stall). I decided it would be pretty fun to see my own blog get dissed, so I submitted this “cocky message from [me] wanting [Ethan] to talk shit about [my] blog” (in Ethan’s own words):

I knew it’d get him nice and riled up and it definitely did.

LESS PAINFUL THAN YOU MIGHT THINK
It appears that the only things the Slam Blogger could say about my blog were these:

• Your blog is gay.
• Your blog content is crap.
• You suck at writing.

Lets cover these points one-by-one

“BLOG GAYLY”? I DON’T THINK SO
Ethan drew up this fancy schmancy graphic of my current blog logo as he sees it:

Nice, isn’t it? Heck, if he were in Kindergarten I’d probably give him a cookie and a pat on the head! Something tells me that this isn’t the case, though. Oh, and calling my blog “gay” as a derogatory term is pretty much the same as saying its current title, Blog Badly. You can’t really insult a title that insults itself and expect it to work. Calling a blog “gay” as in homosexual is pretty pointless (I’m pretty sure blogs don’t have orientations), too.

BLOG BADLY IS ABOUT BLOGGING BADLY
I’m not sure Ethan knows what satire is, considering this entire blog is one huge glob dripping of parody, humor, and sarcasm (the actual posts, at least. The review aren’t too satirical). The purpose of the blog is to entertain, not inform (after all, who would actually listen to my tips?). Apparently Slam Blogger doesn’t understand this (perhaps that’s why his blog is so bad? ). His critique of my introduction message further solidifies this point:

(the stuff he circled is the stuff he didn’t like)

I guess if read nothing except for the “pesky visitors” part and interpreted that as me hating you(this visitor), then that might be detrimental. But you know I don’t mean that, don’t you? Hello? Guys?

Oh, and he underlined “gigantic.” I don’t know why, but the likeliest explanation is that he is a midget with a long history of being oppressed by giants. I apologize, my vertically challenged friend.

DO I SUCK AT WRITING?

I don’t think so. According to Ethan, my content is bland and sucks. No examples whatsoever. He just says it and, as we all know, he must always be right.

EIGHT WAYS FOR ME TO IMPROVE

Luckily, I was provided a handy list detailing exactly what I needed to do.

 

1. Don’t give out advice when it’s obvious that you don’t know what you’re talking about.
2. Write better posts.
3. Get a better, less gay, logo
4. Add more color to your site. (Google has more color to it than BlogGayly)
5. Move your banner to the top of your homepage, I barely noticed it way at the bottom.
6. Submit a slam of some other site so you can get another link.
7. Talk shit on your blog, and turn this into an “on-going” slam.
8. 

And what do I think about that?

1. This is like telling The Onion to stop reporting news because it’s completely false. This blog isn’t for learning – it’s for entertainment.
2. That’s a tip for everyone. Any specifics that could apply for me?
3. Will adding Aladdin’s magic carpet (ala your blog) make it any better?
4. My blog has a more expansive color scheme than yours (dark blue, light blue, lighter blue, etc etc.) I don’t think you’re in any position to talk.
5. Well, it’s gone now. You scared it away. Happy?
6. I’ll think about it
7. That’ll be fun.
8. 

Oh, and this is only the first part of Slam Blogger‘s review – expect another when I get bored and write the second part [an actual review of Slam Blogger])